3 Deceptively Simple Steps to Teaching Kids Chores

In case you missed it, I recently wrote about 3 simple steps to teaching kids chores.  Here's a recap of the three steps:

1.  Demonstrate.  Show your child how to do the process, explaining as you go.

2.  Supervise.  The child primarily does the chore, with you supervising.  You correct and assist as needed, but let him do most of the work.  

3.  Leave.  Your child does the chore on his own, with you nearby so he can come and ask for help if needed.  When he's done, you come and make sure he did everything correctly.  If not, you have him do it again with you supervising.


This post is titled "3 deceptively simple steps to teaching kids chores" because these three steps seem so common-sense.  However, my sinful heart is always getting in the way.  These steps look so easy, they deceptively hide the many, many pitfalls we parents encounter.  I find myself tripping up in three major ways:

1.  I get stuck on Step 1, always demonstrating.  I'm the one who does all the work, always showing Buddy what to do and never allowing him to do it himself.  

Let's use picking up toys as an example.  Getting stuck at Step 1 means I say, "pick up the toys"  and then I do all the work myself while he watches.  Often I find myself falling into this trap because it takes the kids soooo long to pick up the toys themselves, and I get impatient.  But this will really backfire in the long run, because even though I may save 2 minutes when he's a toddler and I pick up his toys for him, when he's in middle school and still can't (or won't) pick up his room, I'm sure we'll spend hours and hours on this issue. 


2.  I get stuck at Step 2, always supervising.  He can do the chore himself, but I'm always hovering, never trusting that he can do it without me. 

I say, "pick up your toys" and I know he can do it himself, but I hover, criticize, and nitpick.  I need to remember the end goal of parenting--teaching my kids so that they can leave my house.  That means I need to be willing to let go, a little at a time, and trust him to do things for himself.


3.  I skip Steps 1 and 2 and try to go straight to Step 3.  I expect him to be able to do a task by himself without taking the time to be patient and give him the proper instruction. 

I say, "pick up your toys" to my three-year-old without teaching him what that means or where to put the toys, then I leave the room.  He doesn't know how to complete the chore and either ignores me, does a terrible job, etc.  Of course, this can lead to all kinds of problems--usually me being angry or impatient with him.


I think the main takeaway here is that even if it's frustrating or time-consuming, we do need to teach our kids how to do chores like laundry and cleaning.  Remember the end goal of parenting--one day your kids will leave!  When that day comes, you want them to be able to do all kinds of everyday tasks themselves.  But we also need to remember that teaching them even simple tasks will never be easy, since we're always being tempted to impatience, anger, etc.

Fellow parents, where do you struggle the most with teaching kids chores??

-Lily


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Teaching Kids Chores in 3 Simple Steps

Teaching kids how to do chores is a pretty universal parenting goal.  It's an important goal at our house, for several reasons.  I want my kids to learn life skills like how to cook and do laundry.  I want them to understand that in our house, everyone works before we play.  I want them to be willing to work, and not view Mom as a maid.

I used to work in a biochemistry lab, and these were the three basic steps we used to teach coworkers how to do an experiment.  After I had Buddy, I realized that I could apply the same steps to teach my kids almost any complex task or process (like a life skill or chore).  So, yes, I am teaching my kids like we're in a science lab.  My husband can laugh at my mad scientist ways, but I've found this to be a valuable way to think about how to teach my kids. 

Three deceptively simple steps to teaching kids chores:

1.  Demonstrate.  Show your child how to do the process, explaining as you go.  Make sure to explain what you're doing and why.

For example, if you're teaching how to sweep the floor, don't just sweep and have him passively watch from the sidelines.  Have him help a little.  Answer his questions.  Explain how to hold the broom, how you're careful to sweep all the corners, to not spill crumbs out of the dustpan, etc .


2.  Supervise.  The child primarily does the chore, with you supervising.  You correct and assist as needed, but let him do most of the work.  


3.  Leave.  Your child does the chore on his own, with you nearby so he can come and ask for help if needed.  When he's done, you come and make sure he did everything correctly.  If not, you have him do it again with you supervising.

Sometimes it takes a long time for each step, especially with very young kids.  I've been working on teaching my three-year old how to sweep the floor for months.  For a while, he just watched, or he'd hold the dustpan to "help" but I actually did the work (Step 1).  Then, he got his own child-size broom and dustpan several months ago for Christmas.  Since then he's been practicing sweeping up dirt (Step 2).  He actually helps now--I do the major sweeping with a big broom, then he sweeps up the crumb piles into his dustpan and carefully throws them away (Step 3).  I consider this Step 3 for him, since he can do his part of the assigned chore without me watching.  


For my kids, by the time they're three years old I expect them to do one or two simple chores without direct supervision.  By the time they're school aged, I'll expect them to do quite a few tasks correctly, in a timely manner, and without me telling/showing how to do it every time. 

Check back in a few days, I'll be discussing where I trip up teaching chores.
-Lily

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Should I Homeschool Preschool? Part 4: money

My son Buddy recently turned 3, so my husband and I have been deciding whether to send our son to preschool or do preschool at home.  In Part 1 and Part 2, I talked about the top two reasons why other moms seem to be sending their kids to preschool:  socialization and time alone for mom.  In Part 3, I discussed what kids are learning in preschool and how I can easily teach a preschool curriculum at home.

In this post, I want to talk about one of the major reasons my husband and I decided not to send our son to preschool:  money.  Let's face it, preschool is expensive.  I thought that it was pretty expensive before we started looking into the pros and cons.  Now that I know I can easily teach everything at home that my son could learn at preschool, it means that preschool is a luxury, not a necessity, and I think it's extravagant.  

I looked up some local preschools, and it looks like for 2 days a week, schools charge around $300.  So, if I send my son for 9 months out of the year, we'd be spending $2700!  And that doesn't include other expenses that aren't included in tuition, such as gas to drive him back and forth, snacks for the class, supplies, etc.  Taking an honest look at our budget, we do not spend $300/mo on any other luxury.  We didn't even budget "fun money" until recently.  After all, we're living on one income since I stay home with the boys, and we don't have hundreds of dollars to spend on luxuries.  

Remember, this series is about my family and how we've come to the decision not to send our son to preschool.  For many families, the pros may outweigh the cons.  And, many families may have more discretionary income to spend on school.  Those families may decide to send their kids to preschool rather than homeschooling.  I'm not trying to be judgmental--I'm just presenting the idea that preschool is not mandatory.  Many moms (myself included) automatically think we have to send our kids to preschool without really thinking about whether it's necessary or beneficial.  I don't want to make decisions about this much money based on "everyone's doing it".  

-Lily

Other posts in this series:
Part 1:  Why preschool?
Part 2:  Socialization and  time alone--my response
Part 3:  Academics and curriculum

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Image courtesy of chokphoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Should I Homeschool Preschool? Part 3: Academics

My son just turned 3, so my husband and I have recently been deciding whether to send our son to preschool or do preschool at home.  In Part 1 and Part 2, I talked about the top two reasons why other moms seem to be sending their kids to preschool:  socialization and time alone for mom.

By now, you might be asking the same question that I am, "What about academics??"  After all, this is the 3rd post in this series, and I haven't once used the words "curriculum" or "literacy". When I first started considering sending my son to preschool, I thought that academics would be the most important thing to consider.  After all, it is pre-school.  I guess I was worried that if he doesn't have the same math and writing curriculum as his peers, he might be behind forever.  But, when I started asking my friends why they send their kids to preschool, it was "socialization and time alone" over and over.  I was really surprised, almost no one mentioned anything that had to do with actual schooling or academic learning.  So I started looking up websites from local preschools, trying to get info on their curriculum.  It seems that kids at preschool are learning literacy, writing skills, critical thinking, math, science, and fine- and gross-motor skills development.  What?!  I thought, it's just as I feared, my son will be behind forever, we don't do any of that! 

But, then I asked some friends what their kids actually do at preschool, as well as thinking more critically about our time at home.  The truth I learned is that kids learn by playing and through hands-on activities, and I am already teaching my boys everyday:

literacy = reading together

writing/fine motor skills = drawing, playdough

critical thinking = pretending, puzzles

math and science = nature walks, cooking together

gross motor skills = playground, running/jumping

I've also had several people ask me if I plan on doing a lot more "preschool activities" if I homeschool.  I'm assuming this means workbooks and formal lessons.  For now, the answer is no.  I see no reason to give worksheets and schoolwork to a three-year-old.  He learns by playing, by doing, and by watching and helping me.  There's no rush for schoolwork.  He has years ahead full of academics and studying, but only a short time to be a little kid :)

-Lily

Other posts in this series:
Part 1:  Why preschool?
Part 2:  Socialization and time alone--my response
Part 4:  Money and expenses  
 

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Image courtesy of chokphoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Should I Homeschool Preschool? Part 2

This is Part 2 of my series "Should I Homeschool Preschool?"  My oldest son just turned 3, and my husband and I have to decide whether or not to send him to preschool.  In Part 1, I talked about the main two reasons why other moms I know send their 3/4 year-olds to preschool:  1) Socialization and 2) Time alone for mom.  After talking it over, we decided that these two reasons aren't enough for us to send our son to preschool.  Here's why:

1.  Socialization 
 When people talk about socialization, they often include kids spending time with peers, learning how to share, and learning how to make friends.  It can also include learning how to listen to a teacher and follow directions.  So far, socialization sounds great.  But what about negative aspects?  I'd like to shield my 3-year-old from bad behaviors like hitting, throwing, and talking back.  I also don't want him to pick up bad attitudes such as defiance and disrespect for authority.  Moms I know who send kids to school are always battling bad behaviors/attitudes learned from peers.  Of course he'll be exposed to all of these eventually, but I'd like it to by under my supervision, addressed with a Christian worldview, where I can show him the correct behavior/attitude.

Many of the positive aspects of socialization can also be achieved at home.  My two sons learn how to respect authority by learning to obey and respect me.  They learn how to share and play with peers by playing together and by playing with friends.  We also go to church every week, and the boys get to spend time with peers, listen to a teacher, and follow directions in their classes.

2.  Time alone for mom 
I admit, this reason for sending my son to preschool sounds sooo attractive.  What mom with little ones doesn't want a few mornings off to clean the house, go shopping ...whatever I want!

But, then reality sets in:  I have a one-year-old at home, too, and he's not going to preschool.  Plus, we're planning on having more kids and homeschooling all of them, so I'd better get used to having little ones underfoot.  I need to practice doing everything with the kids during the day and not see it as a burden, but a blessing.  After all, teaching kids about real life is one of the reasons we want to homeschool.  I want my boys learn how to shop smart, clean the house, cook dinner, etc.  

My main coping strategy for having the kids home all day is a strictly enforced naptime (and bedtime, too, so my husband and I have some time alone).  My awesome mother-in-law homeschooled her three kids, and she had a mandatory quiet time until the kids were at least 5 years old so that she could have a break.  Even if they don't fall asleep, I expect both boys to sit quietly in their room for at least an hour every day.  They can play quietly, read, or talk together, but they have to stay relatively quiet and not come out of their room until I come for them.  This gives me a chance to blog, nap, work out...whatever I want, it's my time off!


Next week in Part 3, I'll be asking the question, "What about academics??"  After all, I've had two posts on preschool and I haven't even mentioned curriculum yet.
-Lily


Other posts in this series:
Part 1:  Why preschool?
Part 3:  Academics and currriculum
Part 4:  Money and expenses


Linked up at some of the great blogs on my sidebar!
Image courtesy of chokphoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Homeschool Preschool? Part 1

My older son just turned three (check out his awesome Spider-Man birthday cake!), so my husband and I have been talking about the possibility of sending him to preschool this year.  We've known for a while that we want to homeschool our sons when they get into kindergarten.  But what about preschool?  It wasn't something I had really thought about until several friends started sending their little ones.

Since we're planning on homeschooling later, we're leaning toward not sending our kids to preschool at all.  But I also wanted to know why other moms send their kids and what their kids do at preschool.  First, to decide whether I wanted to keep my son at home.  Second, if I do decide to homeschool preschool, I may want to incorporate some of the activities and curriculum from a traditional preschool.

The first question I had about preschool was, "Why should I send my son?"  I've asked many moms I know who send their kids to preschool why they send their kids.  There were only two answers that I received, over and over:

1.  Socialization.  This is the #1 reason that I heard from moms for sending young kids to preschool.  And, it's also the first argument that several people have made to try and convince me to send my son to preschool.  I'm assuming from what other moms said that "socialization" here means preschool allows the child more time around peers his age. 

2.  Time alone for mom.  For many moms, this seemed to be the deciding factor--their sons making friends was a nice bonus, but the real advantage to preschool was 3 hours alone every week.  As a mom of two little ones, I am not criticizing at all.  I admit, it does sound nice to have a break for a few hours. 


That's it--out of all the moms I talked to, these were basically the only two reasons for sending their kids to preschool.  These weren't the answers I was expecting, and I had to wrestle with the fact that they initially sounded pretty appealing.  Allowing my son a morning with friends away from me sounds like a pretty good setup.

However, after thinking about it more, my husband and I decided that these two reasons were not enough for us to send our son to preschool.  I talk about that in my second post in the series.
-Lily

Other posts in this series:
Part 2:  Socialization and time alone--my response
Part 3:  Academics and Curriculum
Part 4:  Money and Expenses


Image courtesy of chokphoto at FreeDigitalPhotos.net